it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
