I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
