If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
