so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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