i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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