I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
