I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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