Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
