I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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