i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
