i barfeds in our rink
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
