fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
