I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
