I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
