Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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