Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
