no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he puts the penis in happiness.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
