my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
