we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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