I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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