Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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