that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
