btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
