you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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