either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
