a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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