You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
