just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Found your dick twin last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
