You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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