why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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