I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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