I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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