I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
