they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
