i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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