When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
