I think scott just propositioned me for sex
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
