I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
