So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
