I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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