you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
