recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
