So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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