apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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