I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
