Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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