I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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