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Scissors
Fuck
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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