I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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