Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
