how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The air was thick with penises
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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