I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
