My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
