marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
