just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
