Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
