And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
