All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
