TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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