Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
