do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize